i haven't seen him since.
Mother: Once upon a time in the land of fairies, the greasiest and stinkiest fairy of all, The Duecefairy, was recently fired for slacking off on the job, leaving Fairy City covered in feces. Once the papers were signed, S/He quickly landed on government welfare-teet of unemployment.
Kid: Mommy what’s a welfare-teet?
Mother:It’s something only the smartest fairies know how to get on. It means they don’t have to meet their collection quotas to be kept in glitter and pixie dust for at least 27 weeks.
Kid: Wow, I want a welfare-teet!
Mother: Not until you’re at least 15. Now, in order to stay on the teet, the Duecefairy had to collect other things, random bits and bobs, for the other fairies. Right socks for the right sock fairy, left socks for the left sock fairy, car keys for the car key fairy, lighters for the lighter fairy, stray cats for the stray cat fairy, etc
Kid: But why do fairies collect things?
Mother: But why do blahblahblahblahblah Why do I have children who ask so many questions? Do you want a story, or do you want a spanking?
Kid: a story.
Mother: Good. It was Friday of week 26, and The Duecefairy hatched a plan. After a morning of rummaging through the neighborhood trashcans on garbage day, The Duecefairy took a trip to the pawnshop, and walked out with a wad of fives. Knowing it would pique the interest of the Fairy Revenue Service, and the Fairy Godmother’s Secret Police, to deposit it in the bank like that all at once, The Duecefairy resolved to start bribing the neighborhood kids. You see, if The Duecefairy could dump a heaping bag of “monthly collections” on The Accounting Fairy’s desk, then The Accounting Fairy was SURE to hire him back! That’s why, everytime there’s a full moon on the second saturday of April, you can be sure to find a smelly $5 under your pillow, but only if you leave The Duecefairy a little present. Now good night children, and don’t forget to leave a little present under your pillow for The Duecefairy tonight!
Kids: We won’t Mommy!
