45 replies to this topic

[Puffin]

"My butt is French. That way when I run away, you have a nice view."

:P

[kspr]

Why did the rooster cross the road?

[color=#000000;background:#000000;' onmouseover="this.style.color='#FFFFFF'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#000000']Because the other one dared him to cockadoodle-do it.[/color]

[Monkeydog]

I'm stealing these from TheWalrus:

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda?

[color=#000000;background:#000000;' onmouseover="this.style.color='#FFFFFF'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#000000']He was lucky it was a soft drink.[/color]

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

[color=#000000;background:#000000;' onmouseover="this.style.color='#FFFFFF'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#000000']A fish.[/color]

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

[color=#000000;background:#000000;' onmouseover="this.style.color='#FFFFFF'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#000000']He's all right now.[/color]

Also something that is horrible and I forgot where I heard it but I don't know...

Do you want to hear a joke about my cock?

[color=#000000;background:#000000;' onmouseover="this.style.color='#FFFFFF'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#000000']Just kidding, it's too long.[/color]

[Maelstrom]

Here's a joke that's just... terrible to think about. xD

What's small, green, and smells like bacon?

[color=#000000;background:#000000;' onmouseover="this.style.color='#FFFFFF'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#000000']Kermit's finger[/color]

[lazlo falconi]

RRRRRRESURECTION!


A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door he finds two deputy sheriffs. Understandably, he asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is married and, if so, could they see a picture of his wife. The guy says, "Sure," removes his wallet and opens it to a photo of his wife.

The deputy says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks as if your wife has been hit by a truck."

The man replies, " I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook."

[kspr]

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."