Even though I massively failed at my April Fool's update last week, I'm back for more this week, so please still love me. But hey, I guess it's not that big of a deal. I'm just keeping up with the rest of the internet (That is, massively failing at April Fools).
The truth is that I haven't been around much at all since the last post I made a week ago, so I don't actually know what people have been up to. Instead, here are three random posts that happened last week.
Panda gets teen-pregnant.
Stars posts pony related music videos, because... Stars...
Monkeydog has a legitimate excuse for his sore thumbs and sweaty palms, for once.
Today, in a shocking display of "Because I can," I'm choosing my wife as Member of the Week. I doubt any of you know this, because why would you?, but my wife is starting a new job today after spending the last 6 or so years at her last one. However, I know she's going to rock it like nobody's business.
Game of the Week
In a continued display of "Because I can," I'm choosing my own failed project for Game of the Week. Let's go back holy-crap 12 years ago to when RPG Maker was LE HUGE and "Holy crap" was probably a meme (before theings being memes was a meme), thanks to Strong Bad. The year was approximately 2003, and like many stary-eyed gamers, I, too, thought I knew what it took to make a great Final Fantasy 6 inspired RPG (I say 6 because at this time in my life I actually had not yet played FF7). Allow me to present to you, Codename: The Shockwave.
(Yes, I, too, could steal copyrighted images from Digital Blashphemy)
Codename: The Shockwave was, in many ways, every failed creative idea I have ever had condensed in to one failed RPG maker game. I'm completely serious. This game is a frankensteinien (This is a word now, it is autological) mess of all of the games I played way too much of during my teenage years, namely SNES RPGs and N64 Rareware shooters. Oh, and the main character is basically just my super hero alter ego as imagined by myself in the fourth grade, only without the awesome lightning super powers. His name was Tony Spark, his superhero name was Shockwave. I did not intentionally name him after Iron Man. And my in game brother and girlfriend were named after my real life brother and girlfriend. We have since broken up. I have a new brother now.
(Neither do I, nebulous voice, neither do I)
The game actually opens with me voice acting something that I don't remember. You wouldn't know it, because I altered the voice... and am speaking backward, a most useless talent that did not prove its usefulness here.
(It's no wonder she left me)
So this game is about the cleverly named "The Virus," which, I guess, causes people to go kind of crazy and remember people and places that don't actually exist.
(Spoiler alert: If you're thinking, "Nah, man, they're just experiencing repressed memories and that's going to be revealed as some sort of shocking twist, because: RPGs." Then you would have been right.)
The original game was basically just straight JRPG inspired lameness. After a while, I started adding more secret agent themes, and gun play. Once I even had a fully real time game with several different weapons, which Monkey posted on the forums here somewhere last year or the year before. This is the middle version which combines JRPG inspired exploring and battles with some real time gun play (which was basically just a way to avoid battles). The first level has you exploring the streets of Chicago, looking for men who have "The Virus," and then wreaking some good ol' fashioned havoc on a pharmaceutical company.
(This was my game's equivalent of "I was walking here." Many plus ones to anybody who understands that reference)
(Chicago's iconic "Bar bar.")
At one point during the first part of the mission, you get in to a very short Legend of Zelda style trading scheme, where, in order to get one of your targets to come with you, you must get him food. To get him food, you have to "hook up" a grocery store clerk. I'll leave that up to your imagination. In the future, secret agents don't carry money.
(He told me that if I have to ask what a Z Job is, I can't afford it)
(The much better prequel to 2 and a Half Men)
(Is this the part where you tell me that my game sucks and so does any thing that I've ever tried to make?)
So while the first half of the mission is basically just walking around empty streets and talking to people until you have talked to the right combination of people required to advance, the second half actually features guns and shooting and turn based combat and stuff. So that's cool?
(Tony Spark, computer whiz)
(Somehow, 12 years ago, I predicted exactly how Spaz quit her previous job, as mentioned in the MOTW section)
Ho-ly crap. So that's a thing that happened. Please don't play it. If you do, please don't judge me. Those were different times with different standards, and everybody has grown just a little bit inside because of it.
Last Week's Poll Results
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(Don't you get it, guys? This is how the robots take over.)
(I also voted to pilot one...)
This Week's Poll
What did we listen to?
Perfect Dark OST by Rareware; Attack on Titan Opening by some Japenese people; A Trip on the Tram by Do Make Say Think; Air by Alone in Kyoto; Gagging Order by Radiohead
What did we play?
Life Is Strange; The Sims 3; Lili: Child of Geos; Sid Meier's Civilization: Beyond Earth; X-Com: Enemy Within for Android
What did we read?
Winter's Heart by Robert Jordan; Crossroads of Twilight by Robert Jordan; Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling; My Little Pony: Friends Forever; The Woman in White; Oh The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss
What did we watch?
(A lot of stuff, apparently)
BoJack Horseman (TV); The Phantom of the Opera (Who knows which one?); Broad City (TV); Kill La Kill (anime); The Twilight Saga (poop); Cosmopolis (film); Remember Me (film); Bel Ami (film); Kieth (film); The Rebound (film); Barefoot (film); The Prince and Me (Film); Timer (Film); Cindarela (Film); My Little Pony (TV); Serenity (Film); Trailer Park Boys (TV); Interstellar (Film); Unbreakable Kimmy Smidt (TV); Agents of Shield (TV); Mad Men (tv)